A pot in which metals or other substances are heated to a very high temperature or melted.
A difficult test or challenge.
A place or situation that forces people to change or make difficult decisions.
“I’m seeing the phoenix bird. I think that’s the bird that rises out of the...” “I know what it means.” I cut off the medium. Very talented fellow, but I’m wary of his interpretations. He “sees” the picture, but doesn’t necessarily “get” the picture, and he likes to think he’s “figured it out” when it’s my job to figure out what my messages mean. I knew how appropriate a symbol the phoenix was for my life at this time. Having already crashed and burned (repeatedly, and ad infinitum) I’m ready for resurrection.
“You’re going to have a rebirth,“ he continued. “Your life is going to do a 180.”
I’ve been slogging through the Gulag for what feels like centuries. Resurrection? It’s about frigging time.
I resisted his first message at another meeting where he saw a huge gold ring for me but insisted it wasn’t a wedding ring, as it was too large. I thought he was wrong (rather, I wanted him to be wrong as I’ve longed for millennia to be mated). He perceived a very tall man (like into the stratosphere) and an enormous golden ring, almost like a halo. I (smarty pants) thought I had it all figured out. I’m marrying a tall guy.
It wasn’t until weeks later that I realized the import of that message, and that in fact, the significance was spiritual, not marital, as he’d asserted. He had referenced halos, a spiritual paradigm shift on my part, a cross, and angels. As much as I want to be happily married, I am devoted to and passionate about my spiritual growth, and so was not disappointed to discern the true meaning of the message. It was nice to get verification of my connection to the Higher Realms. And again, change. A paradigm shift.
Understanding had dawned within me as I read a channeled message by Master Djwal Khul about the Ring of Ascension, a huge, etheric golden ring that encircles this planet and acts as a way station between those of us (down here) attempting to connect with the Big Guys and Girls (a very tall man?) Up There. It’s like a metaphysical way station of sorts. An etheric transponder. I visualized it like a golden ring around the planet, made of gold dust and see myself happily tap dancing around it. “Ground Control to Major Val…” “Major Val here (gold lame Babes of Broadway costume on) reporting for Cosmic Duty!”
The medium explained that when he “reads you” that he “is you.” He “feels” the message the way you do. In my first message from him (both times were in a group setting) he said, “There’s a lot of change around you.” I was terribly pleased at this. I am chomping at the bit for change. Please, some change. I’ve been in the same home, alone, for yes, thousands of years. Bring it on.
“But you don’t like it,” he observed. “You don’t like it at all.”
The guy had me all wrong. He wasn’t “feeling” me. I want change. I can’t wait for it! I’ve been in purgatory, and I’m ready for the pearly gates. I glowered slightly and argued with him. “I like change. I’m ready for change.”
He ignored my protestations. “It’s like you’re on one of those rides at the amusement park where you’re way up high, then you have a fast, steep drop. Scary. Not fun.”
I argued again, defending my desire for a new life, and whined, “But I like amusement parks.”
“Everything happens all at once,” he continued, “but then, it’s all over.” What was he talking about? I thought he was an idiot.
Days later I figured that one out, too. He was dead on. It wasn’t about the change to come. It was about the searing losses I’d just experienced, the hardship of the past years financially and medically. But, most recently, the devastating loss of my last cat and my only dog within months of each other, which hit me like a one-two punch during a year in which I was already recovering from surgery and financial indignities. Forget the surgery. The physical pain was nothing next to losing Pup and Cat, my comfort, joy and heart companions in the Gulag.
Yes, double-header death was change, too. And, he was right. I didn’t like it one little bit.
The guy started the meeting late, was a bit full of himself and said a few things philosophically that I just didn’t agree with. The group was labeled a séance, but really was a message circle with a smattering of psychic development exercises thrown in. I’ve taken enough such classes (and led them) to know that I wasn’t keen on this particular group and didn’t think I’d return. But I couldn’t argue with his messages for me. They were potent. And thought provoking.
Six weeks later I was keen for another fix. I left the monastic cell in which I’d been in (self-imposed) solitary confinement since my pets’ deaths. He started late (again) but there was a different cast of characters in attendance this week. I was particularly drawn to a pair of gals to my right who appeared to be sisters, but turned out to be mother and daughter. They were very much in sync with each other.
This was where I was given the Rebirth (Praise Jesus) message and again, given a golden ring. But this time, this time he said it was a wedding band, and that the message applied also to the young lady sitting directly to my right (the daughter). So, we were both getting married. Someday.
Since my pets’ deaths I have thrown myself into work. Weeping. Darkness, watching movies about death, despair (and redemption) like favorites The Crow and Fanny and Alexander. Surrendered to the spiritual seeking that burns through my veins, heart and mind. I have further refined the activities and relationships in my life, determining yet again (this is a continual process of assessment) what and who serves my happiness and well-being and what, and who, does not. The dross has burned off. That is what a crucible does.
"Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day." Rainer Maria Rilke.
There were moments, weeks, days of desperation. I felt trapped, tortured, alone and abandoned. I prayed for guidance and protection and slogged through the cold, muddy trenches in a torrent of emotional hail. Eventually, the light of day began to dawn. I went back to tap class.
It is almost five months since my little buddy pup died. I shed the tears, I went within, I mourned, I grieved, I kept darkly to myself, much to the consternation of people around me. But that is the nature of a crucible. It is a difficult test or challenge. One does not act as if it is not happening. When you are training for the Olympics you sequester yourself. It is the only way deep transformation can take place. One recedes into the darkness of the cocoon. The silent black of the womb. It is something you, and you alone can do. When the work is done, the butterfly is let loose. The Phoenix flies.
© Valerie Gilbert 2014 all rights reserved.
MEMORIES, DREAMS & DEFLECTIONS: My Odyssey Through Emotional Indigestion is newly out in print, eBook, and audio (recorded by me!)
RAVING VIOLET the book is available in print, e-book and audio (recorded by me!) both books from Amazon, Audible, Barnes & Noble, iTunes, KOBO, SmashWords, Sony Reader Store, The Book Depository (international print) AllRomanceBooks.com, and Black Opal Books.
Valerie is an audio book narrator on Audible.com
Valerie is an audio book narrator on Audible.com
Author Interview http://quietfurybooks.com/bestsellerboundrecommends/getting-to-know-author-valerie-gilbert/